Way back in the day, we had a very different life than we experience today. We had our first son before we were married and did the best we could for our age. I had quit school at 16, had our son at 18 and we were both working menial jobs where we could barely get by even with government assistance. We eventually split and it was messy. After 2.5 years, my moving back to my parents and his joining the Navy, we decided to marry. It was a very non-romantic decision and was accomplished at the local courthouse within two weeks. About a month after that I quit my job, packed up and moved across the country to Washington state where he was stationed.

He was previously living on the boat and had no vehicle. Our arriving meant living in an apartment and he would use my car to go to work. I went from my life in Michigan with family and the freedom of my own life to no life at all. He went from having his own life to having a family to take care of. It was difficult for both of us, but the only thing that saved our marriage was that we *had* to work it out. There was no one to run to, no one to intervene and no way to give up. We had no money, very few household skills and lived on Hamburger Helper. Seriously. And when I say it was difficult, I mean it was violently rough.

Eventually, he went to schools and we moved to other duty stations. He was gone a lot and we eventually settled into very traditional roles of bread winner and home maker. The management of the household became easier, we had a lot of fun and things were pretty smooth, with the exception of personal issues with each other, namely alcohol. After awhile things evened out and we only had issues once in a blue moon like everyone else. Things were going well. Too well.

Somewhere along the way, we moved into a more modern way of living. We enjoyed a lively social life but I started thinking about me. You know the whole what-about-me-I’m-just-a-mom-with-no-contributions-to-the-world type of thing. I started to feel like what I did didn’t really matter and needed to be more useful and ‘make my mark.’ We now had two children, 8 years apart, but things were going well. To feel fulfilled, I started volunteering. Well, due to circumstances beyond my control, I not only volunteered in an organization but the opportunity came to be in charge of the whole event. Me, in charge! Making a difference! Wow! I can do this! I did it, and I did a decent job and came into contact with a lot of amazing people and made some wonderful friends. In the process, the home suffered. Let me be clear about something here. When I take on a project that I believe in with my whole heart and soul, it becomes my life, which exactly what cannot happen when you are in charge of bringing up the next generation of responsible adults. I began asking for more help in my normal duties because I had so much else to do outside the home. I certainly didn’t manage things well and it caused the tide to turn in my marriage. Things began evolving into something that has culminated in the degeneration of our family life and values. Lots of stuff has happened in between then and now but ultimately, it hasn’t ended well.

It has been 12.5 years since my husband and I have married and I am finally coming to the realization that I have put unrealistic expectations on my husband. Divorce has become a very real prospect and, even though I knew where we were headed, I had to take the time to examine if that was where I wanted to be. I had to move away from analyzing and trying to find the root of the problem because we both think and process information and events differently. We will see a red apple on the table and I will swear it was green while he will believe it to be yellow. What was missing? What worked in the past and what definitely didn’t? I am SO not up for marriage counseling but it would take a much longer post to try and explain why, never mind the fact that if my husband gets this new job he will be gone quite a lot and unable to keep any kind of routine.

I’ve finally realized that we have to go back to the way things were, keeping in mind the type of people we are, the lessons learned already and what works in our new environment. I control, that’s what I do. I make the decisions quickly and efficiently, figure the pros and cons and make sure everything gets done in the best possible way. He does. Because of his upbringing, the Navy, don’t care what it is. He thrives in situations where everything is cut and dry and he knows exactly what to do and doesn’t have to figure anything out unless it’s in his ‘zone.’

I need to manage the money, schedule the day, plan and cook the meals, clean and organize the house, and in general be the number one household manager. He needs to support us financially, fix what I ask him to, move anything heavy, help unload the car of groceries, teach our children to be responsible men, pick up after himself and maintain the vehicles. I’m summarizing, of course.

This is what worked for us before. The household runs more efficiently, I feel fulfilled knowing that I am taking care of my family, he can trust that things are fine at home and can concentrate on our children and thriving at work. When he feels like he needs to be consulted in every decision, things fall apart. When I expect behavior and emotion that he cannot deliver, I fall apart and become angry and resentful. We both need to concentrate on our division of duties and leave each others areas alone and trust they can handle it in a way that is best for our family. We still have the same goals and values, we just need to compliment each other instead of working together. No, 50-50 doesn’t work for us. We each have our strengths and need to have the freedom to contribute to our family in the most effective manner, the one that works for us.

I have explained my side of the situation and he has agreed to this. By keeping our specialties our own, we will ultimately be working together. On my quest for a more organized home and life, I have discovered that I need more efficient practices in four main areas to make sure all is taken care of. These areas are budgeting, scheduling, meals and cleaning. Budgeting is going to be the most tricky, given that we are a one income family living in a society where two-income families are the norm. I am determined to budget what little money we have to make it go the farthest while leaving no one feeling neglected. Scheduling is going to be my next hardest issue. Really, the majority of my scheduling will be managing myself because I am no longer homeschooling and the kids are at school and the hubby is either sleeping for the night shift or working the day shift. Too much alone time allows me to flake and things do not get done. Meals goes along with budgeting and scheduling because I get lazy and buy insta-meals that the others can whip up for themselves. I would very much like to get back to family dinners. Finally, cleaning. OMG, there has got to be a better way! I will also be revamping the blog here to take advantage of everything the new upgrade allows. And I think that after 3 or 4 years, it’s due for a face lift.

Along this journey i will definitely share all of the nifty ideas that I find and/or come up with to hopefully help make your life easier as well. A quick perusal on the ‘net has shown me that there are a lot of great ideas for making your home more efficient. My intention is to tackle one area per week, maybe two if it’s difficult and update often, mainly because it helps to keep my own ideas straight if I have to explain them to someone else. Beginning today, I will start the big bad budget. We have animals, kids and debt so I will definitely be covering the spectrum! We shall see how it goes so wish us luck!