How can I sum up the weekend in a few short words, or even paragraphs? Sometimes I feel as though there aren’t enough words in my current vocabulary to express the things I am feeling and going through. There are so many things I want to say and I either can’t find words that seem descriptive enough or it just doesn’t seem like the right time to express it verbally.

When I grow, I do serious growing and it happens quickly. It may take me months or even years to ‘get’ something but once I do, look out! Things have taken on a life of their own and I am assimilating the knowledge very quickly. Sometimes I get the feeling like people think I should slow down or that I’m not getting things in a time frame that’s comfortable for them. Here’s the thing….my growth is not about anyone else’s time tables. Sometimes I feel like I should apologize for growing so quickly at times but then I think that’s ridiculous. I cannot control how quickly I understand and sometimes those around me forget that I just spent over a year just figuring out where to go! My growth is what it is and I cannot apologize for the little sparks of enlightenment that I receive because, although it seems like I soak up a lot at one time, it can take me awhile to get to that point. I don’t learn things steadily, I learn a bunch at once and then I have a ‘dry spell’ and start over with something else. This is one of those times of clarity and my brain is like a sponge.

I spent the last couple of days around someone who makes my heart sing. There are times when I simply long to be around them just to see them smile and feel my heart flutter. They are one of those people that you can sit next to in comfortable silence, not feeling the need to talk but yet have so much to say. You know someone like that? Someone who just gets you? Someone you could just hold for hours and never want to let go. Except you try very hard for so long to not invade their space, to not make them feel uncomfortable, to not shatter that fragile connection that you hold so dear. /sigh

Today I was able to do some readings for people I didn’t know out at Harmony Grove. I’ve noticed that it’s a lot easier to give messages to people I don’t know because I don’t question what I receive. I don’t have to find a way to apply it to what I know of their situation. It’s a bit difficult for me to stay at a distance and stay objective if the reading is for myself or someone I know. My brain takes over and wants to apply the information as *I* see it and that’s not appropriate, nor accurate. I am a conduit and need to just give what I get and leave it with them, taking nothing with me and certainly not analyzing when it isn’t my place. They are with me because they need to hear the information in the way I deliver the message. Trying to apply it to what I know doesn’t make the information more valid. It is what it is and it is always valid if it is coming from Spirit. It will always be what they need to know, maybe not what they want but certainly what they need. Validation is nice right now. It was keeping me motivated coming from a place of skepticism. Today I realized that I no longer need validation. I continue to need reassurance that I’m doing things the way I should be but validation has gone out of the window. It was so nice to receive that kind of feedback today because that was my final test for myself. I can do this. Wow! I’m reading that again. Yes, I can do this. Why? Because Spirit has chosen to work through me and I have chosen to allow it to happen. I’m no longer focused on me because it’s SO not about me. What a revelation and what a load off of my shoulders! It’s about the people who sit across from me and the message I have been chosen to deliver. No more and no less.

Those are the lessons I learned this weekend. Not exactly what I wanted to learn but what I needed to learn. There definitely is a difference.