Ugh! What a wonderfully mind numbing weekend. PantheaCon is finally over and I am home happy, safe and sound. It was SO overwhelming at first and I had a really hard time on Friday. After a 90 minute yoga session, a new crystal to carry around in my hand and a good night’s sleep I was doing much better. I did also learn a new technique on Saturday morning for putting myself in a hamster ball and that worked really well for me at that moment but not so much later on. This work I’m currently doing on myself is really having it’s way with me and I have been working really hard lately. Results are slow but coming along nicely now.

I have a butt ton of topics I want to write about. I have had many conversations with wonderfully enlightened people who actually exercise common sense and…..understand me and the way I think! Go Figure!! I have had the opportunity to have actual discussions about topics not normally discussed in my personal relationships, have people explain their viewpoints and still say ‘Hey, I understand where you’re coming from. I just don’t agree.’ Sound familiar? I would very much like to give a list of the classes I took and brief a impression on those classes and teachers. If you’re not interested, check this out.

Friday started off kinda slow because we arrived really early. Early, like 3 hours early kind of early. So while the rest of my entourage showered and took naps, I was on my computer and going through the schedule and whatnot. I had already taken my shower and just needed food, soda and a smoke.

Use this link if you’re interested in the official description of the classes.

The first class I took was called ‘Healing and Curing.’ I had though that the class was going to focus on healing others but it turned out to be something completely different than what was even in the description so I left after about 20-30 minutes.

The next class I attended was ‘Soul Journey.’ Loved the guided meditation and realized a set of my truths that I was unable to put into words before. I took notes like crazy after so that I wouldn’t forget anything that came in my head. The drawback? I opened myself up and was unable to shut down after. The journeys of others started poking into my head and I had a distinct feeling of sludge running through my body instead of blood. I had planned on attending another class right after but had to get away from people so I ended up going to….

‘Living Yoga.’ The class was held in a ballroom with a high ceiling and lots of space for me to at least have the impression with my eyes closed that I was somewhat alone. The lady was not the very best teacher but I think this was her first time teaching this. She is the girlfriend of a very well known author in the Pagan community. She had a great sense of humor and was really genuine and helpful so it was worthwhile. We spent 90 minutes and I tell you I bent in ways that would make my husband drool.

After, I was relaxed but realized that I was also exhausted so I took my shower and went to bed.

The next morning I missed my 9am class but had a great breakfast, checked my email, talked to the kids and hubby and caught up with a dear friend I hadn’t seen in a very long time.

My first Saturday class was ‘The Sphere of Protection’ with John Michael Greer. Wonderful man and I really love his playful attitude and accepting outlook on growth. The workshop was wonderful and I learned a lot about this method as far as the what and why. My friend was actually in this class and it was nice to see a familiar face sitting next to me. There wasn’t anything that really interested me for a 1:30 class so I just spent some time relaxing and having lunch. I was able to talk for a few minutes with my friend Malendia who lives up by Sacramento and meet her friend Kirk White, who I’ll gush about in a bit.

My 3:30 class was great! The title was ‘Changing Models of Pagan Community Leadership.’ This class was given by a panel of faculty from Cherry Hill Seminary. Kirk is the founder of the school and it’s located in Vermont but their classes are online. I had heard his name a few times from Malendia but he really has some viewpoints that, at first glance, seem similar to mine. There were also two others, James and Patrick, who seem to be very grounded and…drumroll…logical, common sense having people! It’s been my experience that these are qualities hard to find in my general community. M. Macha Nightmare is also on the faculty but, while I enjoy her views and straightforward way of thinking, I find her very hard to listen to for any length of time. She doesn’t seem very animated or passionate about what she speaks about. I do know that to be untrue, that’s just my first impression. Enrolling in this particular seminary has been an ultimate goal of mine for the last couple of years, based on hearing about them from a couple of people whose opinion I value, but I did hear it mentioned that it’s highly recommended that their students have a minimum of a B.A. to attend because it’s graduate level studies. For me, that was a crushing realization having quit school in the middle of my 10th year. More on that in a moment…. *giggles*

After the last class I was lucky enough to catch up with my friend again and we both were slated to attend ‘Diagnostic Skills for Energy Healers.’ Well, we ended up missing the class because of a trip to the balcony. We ended up back down at the bar chatting for a good 4 hours about anything and everything. It’s absolutely amazing to have conversation with her and I miss it terribly! Apparently, this amazing woman has enough faith in me to offer a recommendation to Cherry Hill. I could go on and on about what this means to me but I would be gushing and typing for hours until my fingers fell off. Suffice it to say that it brought tears to my eyes and I immediately recognized the impact this could have on my future. I had never really thought about it before in that way, but this could be the door that I had been waiting three years to find open to me. I’m just overwhelmed with gratitude.

So the night ended and I went upstairs to get a good night’s sleep because I didn’t want to miss my 9am class the next morning. This class was ‘Shamanic Journey to Discover Your Power Animal.’ Great class and the journey was cool. I did get some confusing signals in my journey and, a few days later, found that the message I received wasn’t what I was aiming for at all and I had misinterpreted. But it was a good experience and very relaxing, except for the gush of slime coming from a couple of people next to me.

I decided to relax for the next couple of hours and basically mingle and explore. A couple of really good things came out of this waiting and that was a beautiful drum and a 3 credit hour class from Cherry Hill! Woohoo! I really see this as an opportunity to prove myself worthy of my friend’s recommendation. I am so thrilled and excited and it’s just all beyond words. This last month has been full of epiphanies. I’ve spent the last year and a half cutting myself off from community and coven, feeling lost and completely alone once again because nothing felt true anymore. I completely grew away from everything I was learning and experiencing. It’s wonderful to feel, once again, like I have found my path and am on the completely right road for me at this point in my life. But, of course, more in another post.

Sunday afternoon’s 3:30 class was ‘Meeting Death, Grieving Loss’ facilitated by M. Macha Nightmare. It was a good class but another that was not what I thought it was going to be. There were 3 or 4 people who were really in need of support because of terminal illness and/or recent death in their family so I can’t really say too much about it being a waste of time. It was hard being in the room with so much sadness but I think it was necessary for me to be there, for a reason yet unknown.

My final class of the night was ‘Geomantic Divination’ and it was the most fun! It’s a simple way of divining answers to simple, earthly questions. I really enjoyed it, even though it used calculus, and I plan to continue studying it and using it in my spare time. By the way, calculus is Latin for ‘Little Stones.’

Afterwards, I decided to take my drum upstairs to the ‘Fire Drum Circle.’ It wasn’t a real fire, of course, but it was a lot of fun. That was the first time I had actually participated in a drum circle and the energy is most enjoyable! By the time I was done I was sweating bullets and highly energized. I ended up talking with a couple of people until 2am simply because I couldn’t sleep and needed to ground.

Monday started with my favorite class of the whole weekend, ‘A Pagan View of Human Evil.’ It was a treat for me because it was a panel of people from Cherry Hill. Boy, they just seem to show up everywhere! It wasn’t supposed to be this group but the group who were supposed to be on the panel bailed at the last minute, save one. He got a couple of friends together and it continued. It was really very enlightening and I enjoyed it very much. I actually had a few thoughts on paper about this topic written awhile ago but had hit a wall and left it for a bit. I’ve been energized to continue and I’m really excited. I’m sure I’ll post it here and you’ll get to read all about it. Lucky you.

After that, I put on my invisibility cloak and sat in the cafe for breakfast and to write for awhile. It was amazing to actually have thoughts I felt worthy of putting to paper. That hasn’t happened in a very long time.

The last class of the weekend was ‘Pagans and the Law.’ As one lawyer friend put it, basically Constitutional Law 101 and how it relates to Pagans and Paganism. Wonderfully enlightening, especially since I never took any kind of government class in school because I stupidly quit before all of the good stuff. It was great and I loved the facilitators point of view about other religions and how their struggles have paved the way for Pagans.

So that’s it. The conference was over and I had a great weekend. I did encounter a couple of people who stuck with their ‘clan’ and, even though I was introduced, or rather re-introduced, to them, they still have a way of making my feel like I am just an ant crawling through the shadow of their greatness. I know that it’s not transference because, since I don’t follow their tradition, I don’t place them on a pedestal and ritually wash their feet like the rest of their followers. Unfortunately, discrimination and ‘holier than thou’ attitudes are as prevelant in the Pagan communities as it is in the general community, just regarding different things instead of race, color or nationality. But whatever, it bothered me for a minute but then I realized that I really don’t need to waste my time feeling like that.

The ride home seemed to go faster than expected and I was so happy to walk into my house and feel safe and comfortable. My husband and I had amazingly grounding sex followed by chocolate and wonderful sleep.

I’m having a little bit of trouble transitioning back to the real world and my list ‘o things to do is looking a bit overwhelming. I am noticing that I seem to be handling things in a calmer, more rational manner and my patience with my children has been boosted a hundred fold. I’m not sure if it’s because I have been intellectually stimulated, which I sorely needed, or because I appreciate them more having been gone for several days. Whatever it was, it was good for me.

Thus ends PantheaCon 2006!