Another week has passed in our homeschool adventure. I have learned a lot in these last few weeks and I have enjoyed it. It makes me realize how very much I miss being a student. Quitting school halfway through my sophmore year really was the dumbest thing I have ever done. If I would have stayed….if I would have just stayed motivated….I had a free ride. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

But we work with what we’ve got, right? And right now I have a 6th grader who needs my guidance. So now I’m back in the ’school’ mode doing the very best I can to make learning exciting for him, to hold his interest and to prove to him that he really can do anything in the world he wants to.

I’ve had an ‘Aha!’ moment this last week. After planning out lessons to teach him the California standards required for this year, we came to a stunning realization that I should have actually noticed before. He doesn’t know his multiplication tables! How the hell could he continue being passed without knowing them?? How could I have missed it? We’re now stopping in the middle of algebra, taking a couple of weeks to make sure he learns them.

He’s had a problem with math in the last few years. He’s constantly complained that he hates math and he doesn’t understand anything. We have found that he does understand! He understands the concepts and the formulas, well into college level algebra. The problem is simply that his math is wrong, his answers are wrong because his multiplication is wrong. It’s that simple.

It makes me kinda sad, though. Since I had to relearn algebra in order to teach him, I’ve found that I really like it. It makes sense and it is logical. Algebra is what it is, with no surprises hidden around the corner. Numbers are always the same and 2+2 always equals 4. It’s very comfortable.

I really want to go back to school. I feel like there is a hole inside, something missing. I quit before giving myself a chance. And now I couldn’t go back without completely changing our lifestyle to pay for it. We’re not exactly rolling in the dough anyway and it would mean taking away from my family. I don’t want to take things away from them to fill something missing inside me when I am the one who did it in the first place. Why should they have to pay for my mistakes?

Oh well, life goes on. Maybe I’ll just fill the hole with chocolate. Now that, I can afford.